Last week I started the blog post by announcing myself as your “Fearless Feminine” …today I would just like to change this to “Divine Feminine” because I cannot own the “Fearless” at this moment.
I think I am not alone when I say that this last week has been difficult for many. It was the second week, more less, when I started my self-quarantine, and now 12 days since the last time I had human contact. I had no idea how I would react to the fact that I truly could not meet, see and touch another human. I could not have anticipated what it would take to go out just to the grocery store to buy food, for the first time in my life I wore a mask and gloves – ahead of the current recommendation to do so – and still – I hate to admit – after watching two different segments on how to bring your food in the house – well, I didn’t do that exactly perfectly! Then dealing with my companies and business partner, who for some reason loves to pick the most stressful times in life to show his most undesirable side and inflict the most amount of discomfort he can (note- I am choosing my words wisely here!). Finally, there are all these insane stories I tell myself in my own head, about whatever and rarely positive – when will I learn? Things are never what I think they are!
But in all seriousness, this and so much more tore me up this week. I found myself completely drained. I had one day where I really truly got nothing done and all I could muster was to pick myself up off the floor – and I really was on the floor – in my shower with the water running down my back, crying so hard that I could not breathe. I eventually had this “lack of Oxygen” high – I think that is what they call anxiety? I’ve only experienced this 3 times in my life and all 3 in the last 18 months, I think. This gives me pause because I cannot let this become a thing – hell no!
I fought ever so hard against what started to unfold, and I never felt so completely and utterly out of control, no matter where my thoughts went. Here is the reality of COVID 19 and that I believe all our lives are changed forever. And so much more will come our way that we can’t see now, both good and bad.
That then brings me back to what I need. One of those needs is to implement some self-care to deal with the ongoing insanity. On Saturday I decided to take a bike ride. I posted a video as I was preparing to leave – check it out on our Facebook page – I think it’s funny and one of my better live recordings if I might say so. Hey, gotta give my vid a little plug. It mentions how my ride was delayed by two hours. When I decided to ride it was sunny and nice but by the time I left is was overcast and cool. As I first started riding, I almost turned back. I was dressed for a warmer climate but I did have a jacket. I put it on and then I said to myself, “so what if your legs are cold, they will get warm, so what if you are a little uncomfortable, you can breathe fresh air without pain. So what if you have to be alone for a bit? Tonight you get to see your friend for the first time – so what? –! Right then and there I made the decision to push through. I feel – and I always kind of have – that we owe something to those that have lost their earthly existence (life) – that we appreciate our own lives, live to the fullest and that we look for and seek joy – and I’d like to say this; look for that joy in the simpler things in life. Look for joy in the human connection.
One of the many gifts I have had from my experience with S*xologial Bodywork is the ability to stay in the NOW! It took me a few moments and I would go back and forth in time in my head, but I am always remined that this is the only place where I might have some control and also find joy and happiness.
Today I finally unpacked my suitcases from my Hawaii and subsequent short NY trip. It had such an interesting effect on me, it made me smile, it took me back to that blissful retreat and the wonderful experiences I had. And the respite in NY…hmmm…I have no words – well maybe a few – intimate, epic, awesome, unforgettable and humbling – words don’t do justice here —the core fire cannot be described! This is where I allow the past to intersect with the present, because the memory lifted me up today at that moment!
I wasn’t sure how I was going to fit S*xological Bodywork into this blog today but here it is, this healing power is never far from me and for that I am grateful. So now, here is where I allow a look to the future, because it intersects with the present as the cornerstone to build and rebuild is laid here. I am not entirely sure how we will bring you virtual content yet, but we are exploring this, however, what I do know is that I want this work and the people associated with this work in my life front and center. I have no idea where my head will be in months from now when we come out of this, but I see myself making drastic changes, heck, I could move to Hawaii or NY…lol…who knows – anything is on the table now.
Manifestation (make up your life any way you want)– I work with energy and it never amazes me that as soon as I decide to spring it into action how quickly it can work for me. If it is indeed my path, and sometimes things or events or people are catalysts and I can mistake them for something more, but I have gotten better at recognizing this now. My energy work involves asking the universe for what I would like and here is what I need now professionally – a continued successful path to heal our patients in my medical practice. Personally a continued discovery into my deep self-erotic core, to find my voice, to be an influencer and healer in connection with S*xological Bodywork, to find a partner in this game called life who is also into this work and maybe build something together. I always liked the idea of working with my lovers, partners and friends on something that has a deeper meaning in life, and I cannot think of anything better than to do it with this work! I also learned this week that I need this type of erotic interaction much more often! So to reaffirm, dear Universe – please keep that in mind as you chart my course for a relationship connection! So there is my little energy prayer. Let’s see what happens next!
Maybe you can share with us what you would like the Universe to help you with – please think of crafting an achievable message when asking! Try not to make the manifestation about a specific person. There are many reasons why not to, but focus on the wish, the scenario, sometimes the outcome and goal. You will achieve it. Try not to think of the things you don’t want in your life, because that which you give energy to can and will manifest!
Like so many others right now, I don’t know how I will fare from day to day with so much uncertainty in the air. The first order of business today is to survive this plague so that what I have imagined here has a chance to manifest. I am certain that my moods and disposition will fluctuate, in part because I have lost access to recharging my erotic battery. But I know that what makes my mind and body feel better and function as an integrated whole is movement. I plan on getting some movement, hopefully outside for 30 minutes to an hour every day. This used to be so easy for me to achieve but it hasn’t been in the last few weeks. I plan on discovering my new normal, hopefully finding joy and happiness there and sharing it with another. I am determined to find a way to bring you stories and ‘how to’s about expanding your capacity for pleasure, and in collaboration with Barry Carl we will do just that.
And speaking of Barry Carl, I’d like to thank him for all that he has exposed me to and the special kind friend he has become to me. It is the hardest thing for me to not see him at this time in person, but I know that this too shall pass!
We normally close with a lead in to next week’s blog post, but this week just feels like it needs a more open mindset. Let’s see what the week produces and go from there!
So with that,
TO ALL: Please stay safe and healthy! We have a lot of great, juicy, important stuff that we want to share with you!
Live to love❤️
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