How My S*xual Kink Healed My Body, Mind and Soul

Categories : Somatics

Well hello everyone! Yes, it is me, your Fearless Feminine, lol, beginning to tell my story and share my journey into my discovery of healing through the path of the erotic. 

First, I’d like to pick up a bit where Barry had left off.  On our last blog post Barry shared the stories of a few of his clients and their positive growth and healing experiences resulting from S*xological Bodywork (SB).  Some women were able to heal their s*xual trauma that prevented them from having happy and fulfilling s*exual experiences, others were able to stop conventional medical treatments and overcome medical ailments such as depression, anxiety, muscle spasms, and lower back pain as their bodies discovered their own ‘internal pharmacy’.  We also learned that age does not matter as Barry worked with his eldest client Becky, in her 90is, who also experienced body ache relief after SB sessions.  To quote Barry, “Healing through the erotic is not just a possibility. It’s a reality. “  Barry closed by indicating that future blogs will discuss the programming that turns us against ourselves and our bodies and how we can reprogram ourselves to become whole once again. 

I will pick up the thread here and then tie all this back to reprograming and more and what is next for me and you in the discovery of the vast healing power of the erotic. 

My recent observation of most women has taught me that many of us share common experiences of being s*xually unfulfilled.  I am like so many, my first s*xual encounter, if you want to call it that, was with my abuser, the old grandpa type, my next was with a nice guy that then quickly dumped me because he was forced to marry his underage girlfriend, mind you I was underage too, but that’s a story for another day.  My upbringing was troubled and violent. My mother was my main abuser, and my father was an alcoholic that would be physically violent when in his drunken stupor.  He left us by the time I was six.  I didn’t know how to have healthy relationships with men and many that I let into my life were equally violent.  I became a teenage bride and mother, married by 17 and divorced by 21 and had immigrated to the United States from Germany at age 19.  The abusive nature of this union, that produced only one wonderful person, my son Jeremy, forced me into a lifestyle that led to alcohol and drug abuse.  I would seek relationships with men that were often much older than me and I think that was the case as I needed that father figure in my life.  The majority of those relationships were s*xually unfulfilling, my first orgasm occurred during a session with a vibrator a lover gave to me to try. Up until that point, I didn’t care for s*x because it was never about pleasing me.  I describe all my relationships as a cycle, I call it the heat cycle, Barry corrected me, the correct term is the Eros phase.  The Eros phase is the early part of a relationship where I say lovers are in heat, the s*x is great because it is new, he/she can do no wrong, and then after 6 months or a year it all fizzles out and often intimacy turns into boring monotony.  I know, I’ve spent years in these types of relationships, but thankfully now…no more!

I eventually settled into a healthier lifestyle when I got sober at age 39 and started to build a nice professional career, I was focused on making money and being counted as a full human being. I tied a lot of my happiness to monetary things while my intimate relationships all ran their boring course.  My last union lasted about 15 years on paper, but in actuality it ended about 3 or more years ago.  In hindsight, we were completely mismatched, especially on the intimacy side, although, it was my ex that introduced me to the book “The Story of O”. Well, what a delight that book was for me.  As this most recent union failed, I found myself in a quandary! All my hopes and dreams of the happily ever after with the white picket fence, gone! No man to grow old with, no family. I loved having a family, I was alone most of my life and I had married into a family that I loved! But I was spinning out of control.  I also found that somehow I had awakened s*xually. All of a sudden I really wanted s*x, I remember my first husband’s words, “You will want s*x when you get older.” I am not sure what he knew then but damn, he sure knew something.  I learned that some women’s libido can become hyperactive in pre-menopause and menopause, and I was one of those women but now I had no one to play with.  

The next logical step for me was to try on-line dating, I got lucky, met a guy, and entered into an 18 months affair.  This affair was delectable. In play, he smacked me on my behind and I liked it.  Remember the book “The Story of O”? Well it is all about that, a little smacking of the behind, a little bondage, the play of the dominant and the submissive.  In my mind, I knew that this is what I wanted, and I really, really wanted to explore this lifestyle.  I also liked Tantra and started reading another book called “Urban Tantra”, a great read as it combines the soft and sensual with the rough and naughty.  As my affair came to a close, I was now really on the hunt for my next partner, but my on-line dating experiences were absolute nightmares.  I was looking for that forever guy that would also play with me and take me places s*xually that previously I only dreamed of.  Even though the roller coaster ride was epic, I could have never predicted what I would eventually discover, and how it has now forever changed my life. 

With the advent of my divorce in September of 2019 I decided to solo venture a new company and launched MiHUMANTRiBE. I wanted to create an informational and healing platform for persons in recovery.  I had coined the term “Active Trauma Resolution” and we formed the site and social media group where we can address all sorts of trauma primarily through self-healing practices. We are not against medications, but we want to augment or eliminate chemicals whenever possible as we know our bodies are miraculous in their own healing power, although we have forgotten how to access its source.  

My search for a new relationship eventually led me to find Barry, and how fortunate this was for me.  It was not what I thought I would find but it is the best that could have presented itself as it led to total freedom.  I had never heard of Somatic S*x Education or S*xological Bodywork and when Barry first spoke to me about it, I became intrigued.  I particularly tuned in to the part where s*xual trauma can be healed, corrected, and this was huge for me as I knew that this was a big part of my issue.  In the recovery community we say that most have s*xual abuse in their history and it is a contributor to their illness of substance abuse.  What I didn’t know was that my collective experiences in life had damaged me somatically and that there was path for healing that included that which I had only dared to dream about s*xually – how utterly and perfectly sensual. 

As Barry and I communicated –  and I consequently discovered that he is a very intuitive therapist as well as highly trained  – we addressed several questions and issues and I eventually decided to work with him and had my first SB session late December 2019.  

It is here I need to take a deep breath and pause because it is very difficult for me to describe what I actually experienced during that first session. In short, I became a woman, for the first time in my life, in the full bloom and exquisite excitement of my own miraculous capacity for receiving pleasure.  I was asked what I liked and it was gifted to me. I was shown that I can easily produce Amrita,“The Nectar of the Gods.” I discovered where my real pleasure lies, what sensations my body likes to feel and together we discovered the path to my pleasure and we have since expanded on it.  The most powerful aspect of the work is the way I I feel after a session.  It is utterly mind-blowing to me.  The one word that always comes me is strength – I draw strength from each session. It is as though my erotic battery is recharged and it is the most powerful and wonderful feeling I can describe.  This is particularly important to me as one of my deep challenges is self-doubt, one Barry also noticed, these sessions are slowly but surely changing some of my deeply habitual thinking patterns.  

Barry has proven to be a wonderful, guide, teacher and mentor and I am so grateful for all my recent self-discoveries.  Most recently I had the opportunity to attend a S*xological Bodywork Retreat in Hawaii, and what interesting timing. We traveled to and from Hawaii in the month of March 2020 returning back to the East Coast on March 20th.  Essentially, we came back from paradise – or as one participant said, “an orgasm camp in the middle of the pandemic” – to the reality of said “Pandemic”.  This workshop was beyond powerful and the experiences of that trip deserve their own attention, but I will just say that it was as powerful as it was because of the delicate dance between the Feminine and the Masculine.  The sisterhood of 18 women lifted each other up and spoke about things that are deeply connecting and healing. It was a place where friendships are forged for life.  The men and their role were vital to the retreat – and undoubtedly we need our beautiful handsome, deeply feeling men, because that is what I found these men to be.  The role they play so well in supporting and teaching, lifting us up and encouraging us to dive deep into our pleasure…yes, this trip deserves its own attention, so more on that later.  

From the beginning of my work with Barry I knew that I wanted to make this information accessible to others and we started our blog series.  As we continue to evolve sharing information with you we also realize that many would benefit from more than a blog so Barry and I will be working on creating content that will be useful to you especially now when we are all asked to stay in our homes.  We will get into various discussions about the erotic and pleasures and how YOU can learn more and apply what you learn into your own life.  Let’s see, we might get very creative with video content too. So stay tuned. 

This work and to spread information about this work is so super important in my view.  Just the thought of how I feel each time after I leave a session, the healing that occurs.  I am a changed woman.  I deal with stressors so much differently today, I live in less fear, I can truly now live in the NOW, I never really could before, I walk with confidence, I speak more clearly and so much more.  The knowledge that this is achievable for most people is what is driving me now and just think that what is healing you is the deepest and nasty little you that is inside of each of us.  It is there repressed, it is not allowed to be, so think you are not allowed to be your essence, no wonder we are so messed up…lol..but in all seriousness, this is the quest…spread the knowledge and teach the practice, be set free and heal!

And now back full circle, at the beginning of this post and the end of our last post we talked about future blogs discussing the programming that turns us against ourselves and our bodies and how we can reprogram ourselves to become whole once again.  Barry and I will dive deeper into original programming and activities for reprogramming in upcoming segments of our blog.  

And a final comment; in light of the current world health crisis that effects all of us equally, we will work on providing you with exciting and pleasurable content that will help you access your own erotic healing core.  We have ideas that may eventually expand into virtual workshops and discussion groups.  Once we go back to a more normal world, we are planning different ways of making Barry’s teaching available to you, so stay with us as we morph into a virtual educational pleasure ride sure to bring you much needed expansion and joy – and what could be better in these trying times! 

And with that…

Live to love❤️

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